Throughout my journey to motherhood, I have good days and I have bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. I had someone at work tell me that she is pregnant. While I knew she had been trying for a long time and I was really happy for her, I couldn't help but feel sad for myself. I congratulated her as I was smiling through tears. I kept myself together until I got back in my office and then broke down and cried. I felt like once again I was the only childless person in a world full of big baby bumps and glowing pregnant women. (If it sounds like I was throwing myself pity party, you are right...I was.)
So, what do you do when everyone around you seems to have exactly what you want, but no matter what you do, you can’t get it for yourself?
I keep telling myself that I have a wonderful life, an amazing husband, a career, my health, a roof over my head, and a family that loves me, but I can’t stop thinking, “Why is everyone pregnant but me?!?” and “It's so unfair."
I know I'm not the only one dealing with this issue, so I'm going to ask all of you past and present "infertile myrtles" out there, what do/did you do about it? I can’t control much in this crazy journey, but I know I can deal with it. I have excused myself from my pity party before, so I will do it again.
I need to accept the fact that it’s not fair and just move on. Life is not always fair...but life goes on.
When I start having thoughts like I’m never going to get pregnant, I need to change my focus to something positive. I find that doing activities I enjoy and staying busy is what works for me. I recently joined a gym and have been working out as an outlet for my frustration...and it really helps!
Last but not certainly not least, I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control.
"God will make a way when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, he will make a way for me."